Beyond Wonderland
by Melyx
Summary: Mello stumbles upon Wonderland after folloing Near out of pure boredom. Dedicated to TouchMyMafia XD Love from Melly and Lauren. Rated... K for language? Yeah. Enjoy! xx
1. Questionable Sanity

**AUTHORS NOTE: Hey!! Guess what!! This is Mel AND Lauren here! See, Lauren's at my house so yeah. Um, this is a story from us that we've actually be working on. This story is dedicated to TouchMyMafia seeing as it was their photoshoot called 'Death Note in Wonderland' that gave us the idea for this story.  
This is our first 'serious' story, but don't worry, it's still awesome and funny. Just be nice? D8  
DISCLAIMER: We do not own Death Note, WE PWN IT!**

**Joking guys. But really :l**

Oh and no albino's were meant to be offended in this. We're just being silly. Don't kill us! Just think...you have white hair like Near!!!

**:D  
**

**Characters in this chapter:  
Alice - Mello (He doesn't particularly wear the dress, but if you want him to...) *wiggles eyebrows*  
White Rabbit - Near  
Doorknob/Computer voice thing - L (He also plays another character as the story goes along...you know how he has aliases? Yeah that wasn't intended until nows)**

**Warning!!!! Erm, there's a bit of profane language in this...Mello being Mello and all...

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BEYOND WONDERLAND

Chapter One - Questionable Sanity

The heat wave slammed through Wammy's, every air conditioner was working in overdrive until the stupid thing decided to go on strike.  
At the worst possible moment too because the heat wave had just reached its peak at 49 degrees C and still rising, making it hard for some leather-clad students to work, hell it was hard to even concentrate!

Mello's iron will for study was being sapped of strength with each moment they spent in class; his essay paper was lying forgotten on the desk while he stared out the window.  
He was currently holding a mental debate on whether or not a cold drink would be worth the effort to acquire one to get up from his seat when he spotted something very out of the ordinary.  
Moving through the shimmering bands of heat was a solid looking smudge of white, on closer inspection it revealed itself to be a very unbothered (from the heat you see) Near, sporting a pair of very long, very white (very cute!!!) pair of rabbit ears and being piggy-backed by Agent Rester.  
Peering even closer at the _unusual _spectacle a flash of silver caught his hawk like attention.

It was a pocket watch.

That was all Mello's curiosity could take, barely excusing himself from the class he quickly exited the school building and ran into the expansive, perfectly manicured gardens surrounding Wammy's House.

"Please hurry up Commander Rester, I don't want to be late" He heard Near say in his dry monotone.

_Late?_ Mello thought, _late for what? Since when does Near go places?_

Managing a run in the intense heat, Mello tore after them through the abandoned gardens as fast as his body would let him; after all, it wasn't hard to spot a white-clad albino child with rabbit ears amongst the greenery.  
He arrived at an over-grown hedge just in time to spot a pale, pyjama clad leg disappear into a hole at the base of the shrub.  
It was an odd sized hole; too big for an animal, too small for garden maintenance, but just right for a child to slip through.  
Questioning his sanity and gritting his teeth Mello crawled into the constricting space, mentally killing Near for wreaking his beloved leather with dirt. As he wriggled and squirmed deeper and deeper underground Mello began to wonder just how far down this tunnel went, it was getting hot (hotter that is) and very claustrophobic, deciding to give up on following Near, Mello started backwards.

And fell down an enormous pit.

Strangely calm about falling to his doom, or so he thought, Mello chewed his way through a bar of chocolate watching in fascination as objects of every sort fell with him, or below him.

Peering into the depths he began to make out a sort of end to the tunnel, the 'bottom' tapering off to a thin tube and funnelling the assortment of items to goodness knows where.  
Cakes, clocks, cigarettes, roses and even people were sucked off to that unknown destination; Matt however did give him a scare on the way down, but what the hell was Matt doing here in the first place?!

Before he knew what hit him, Mello was being sucked down with everything else and he found himself slowly and peacefully drifting through the tunnel, it was almost enjoyable until he was spat out into a mysterious room and landed on his head. The white clad rabbit Near was on the other side of the room muttering,

"I'm so late" before slipping through a door, Mello could feel the blood rushing to his head so he stood right-side up and strode across the room, placed his hands on the door handle, turned it and-

?!

Locked from the outside? How can that be? Near had just gone through that door!

_He must have seen me follow him,_ thought Mello, _and locked the door as he went out, that's the only logical explanation_,_ unless it's just one of those difficult doors..._

Trying the handle again, Mello met the same unsatisfying 'clunk, clunk' of the door lock.

_Near you bastard!_

He was about to lose his temper when a screen appeared on the wall beside the door, an old English L emblazoned and a synthetic voice began to speak.

"_**This is L and a recording, please leave a message after the tone...*ahem* after the tone!...BOOP"**_

"?" Mello narrowed his eyes at the offending machine and reached for the gun that usually hung at his hip, finding it absent Mello contented himself with throwing a punch at the screen. While he did no damage it did elicit a new response.  
_**  
**__**"HEY! There wasn't any call for that sort of thing!"**_ the screen named 'L' responded sulkily _**"Anyway, if you want to get through the door all you need is the key, really Mello did it not occur to you?"**_

Grinding his teeth for the second time Mello began his search for the elusive key.  
It hadn't taken him that long to stop searching for the key, for it was an empty room.

Mello turned back to the screen.

"So where's this key?" He yelled in frustration, cringing at the fact that he was talking to an inanimate object. "I bet _Near_ didn't have to use a key! I bet he just walked right through!"  
_**  
"That is because he is an albino."**_ The screen responded bluntly.

"'The fuck does that have to do with anything?!"

There was a long pause.  
_**  
"They have powers."**_ The screen replied in almost a whisper. Mello stared at the screen in disbelief.

"Where is the damn key?" He repeated.  
_**  
"On the table behind you."**_ The synthetic voice replied simply.

"There's no table behind me!" Mello yelled in frustration. He knew this because he had just been checking for the key in the empty room. There was no table behind him.  
_**  
"Oh but there is."**_ The voice insisted. Sighing in exasperation, Mello turned around and to his surprise the voice was correct.  
In front of him, appeared a small glass table, with a simple golden key rested directly in the middle of it. Next to it was a box of sweets and a bottle with some rosy pink liquid in it. Mello walked up to the table eying the box of sweets.  
_**"In the bottle, is a substance that will make you either bigger or smaller. In the box of sweets, the sweets will do the opposite. You need to find the one that will make you smaller. You must find out for yourself which one to use. You are to unlock the door, and go back to the table. Eat the sweets or drink out of the bottle which will minimize your size, then you must go through the smaller door within the door that you currently see."  
**_  
"Why can't I go through the normal door?"  
_**  
"Because that isn't a door."**_

"But Near just went through it!"  
_**  
"Near is an albino."**_ The voice replied, as if that were to answer Mello's statement. _**"If you look at the door, you will notice that there is actually a smaller door; far too small for you to fit through now, which is why you need to become smaller."  
**_  
"Riiiight," drawled Mello " and why does this have to be so complicated?"  
_**  
"It's not really; you could have been through the door already if you had taken my advice and not insisted on being so stubborn..."**_

"Hunh" He mumbled. Mello was standing at the table and observing both items closely.

Which one? Which one?

He really couldn't be bothered with this kind of bullcrap and in traditional Mello style, he proceeded to try and kick the door down.  
_**  
"HEY! STOP THAT! you're not going to break through you know, the door Near went in is totally..."**_ the voice trailed off, Mello had just knocked down the door and was currently legging it into a long corridor beyond with both the bottle and sweets.  
_**"Just rude, honestly...i wonder where B is-"**_ Sounds of scuffling came through the mike, but Mello was already too far away to hear it.

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***Sheepish smile*  
Yooh liiike?!?!?!!?  
So yes, that was the first chapter...But our second attempt to upload this because my laptop is a BUM!!!**

Lauren and I had alots of fun with the enter button, didn't we Lauren?

. . . . .

**. . . . .**

*kicks Lauren*

"Hunh?...Oh yeah." - Lauren

PLEASE REVIEW!!! It'll make us so happy!


	2. Matt the Cheshire Cat

**AN//: **Hey it's Melly with chapter two of Beyond Wonderland!  
In case you're wondering, it's called Beyond Wonderland after the font....Yeah we're cool.  
_DISCLAIMER!!_ We don't own Death Note or Alice in Wonderland.  
We're just awesome.

**Characters in this Chapter:  
Alice - Mello  
Cheshire Cat - Matt**

Enjoy!!!

_HUGS AND KISSES! MWA!!! XOXOXOXOXX  
Just...joking..._

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**BEYOND WONDERLAND**

Chapter Two - Matt the Cheshire Cat

Near was close enough to hear, but no matter how fast Mello ran towards him he was always just out of reach.

It felt like one of those dreams where the ground seems to strech out longer and your legs can't work properly, the air felt like it was made of treacle.

_I feel like i'm drowning,_ thought Mello pessimistically, _drowning on air, how ironic._

But as pessimistic as he was going to be, it wouldn't stop him from trying to catch Near...then possibly beat some answers out of him.  
As Near rounded the corner there was a kind of popping sensation, like when you yawn on a plane to clear your ears and Mello was running at full bore, no longer drowning in the treacle air, skidding around the same corner he found himself in a lush forest, the hallway abruptly ending as though construction had been abandoned halfway.

The forest was deep and cool, huge trees towered towards the sky and made the air shimmer with a rich green haze. Mello found himself feeling unusually small but strode onward into the leafy depths with the same self-confidence he used to overcome everything in life.

Hours passed and there was no sign of an end to the huge forest, so Mello camped beneath one of the smaller trees, while it was small compared to the rest of the forest, it's giant roots still towered over him. Closing his eyes Mello contemplated his situation; it was like nothing he'd experienced before, none of the events made sense.  
As if to top it off, appearing from behind the trees a few paces ahead, was Matt, facing his back to Mello, dressed in probably the worst excuse of a Neko Cosplay ever.

His traditional black and white striped shirt was replaced with a purple and pink one; he had a pair of fluffy cat ears, along with a long tail which swayed from side to side

"M-Matt?! What are you doing here?" Mello asked, bewildered.  
Matt turned around, then pointed to himself with a questioning look on his face.

"Matt? Who is Matt? I am the Cheshire Cat. _Meooww!_" Matt –oh no, wait, sorry– The _Cheshire Cat_ purred while playing with, not a PSP, but some wool?

"No you're not, you're Matt. Quit fucking around. Do you know where we are?"

"I keep _telling _you! I am not Matt! I am the Cheshire Cat!" _The Cheshire Cat_ hisses. Mello stormed over to him and hit him over the head. Matt fell down due to the impact of Mello's hit.

"Man, shut up. Anyway, do you know where we are?" Matt, on the ground tangled to the wool, stopped and jumped up.

"We are in _**WONDERLAAAAAND!!!**_**" **He replied, throwing his hands up in the air.

"'The fuck is Wonderland?"

"Where we _aaarrrree_!" Tired of Matt's bullshit, Mello pushed passed him and stormed off. "_**Waaaaiiiiit!!!!!!! I"M COMING WITH YOUUU!!!!"**_ Matt wailed, and Mello could hear his lace boots trudge against the dirt.

"Oh hell no."

"Oh hell YES!"

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=  
La di da di da...time passes! WEEEEEE! LALALA**

Mello endured 5 whole minutes of Matts odd little cat noises (meowing and so on) before he snapped,

"Look Matt, I don't know what kind of shit they fed you to make you act this stupid, but trust me on this: _**You are NOT a FUCKING CAT!"**_

Matt just stared at him with big green eyes and pouted.

"You didn't have to yell at me..." He mumbled before slinking off.

"Matt? Where are you going?"

"Away."

"Why?"

"You don't want me..."

Mello snorted in annoyance, he didn't have time for this kind of crap. Somewhat relenting he made himself promise to be nicer until Matt was 'sober'.  
They walked down the dirt path, Matt continuing his cat noises, while Mello had a mental argument with himself as to whether or not he should turn around and slap Matt.  
Ahead of them was a sign, one read 'To the House of Tweedledee' and the other read 'To the House of Tweedledum'.

"What if we don't want to meet _any_ of them? They don't sound particularly intelligent, given by their names alone..." Mello sneered, looking around for a different path to take.

"But you _have_ to meet them! It wouldn't be fun for the story otherwise..."

"The what?"

"NEVER_MIIIIIND_!"

"Okay, er, I choose the path down to Tweedledee..."

"**_NO!!!!"_**

"Okay, Tweedledum?"

"NO TWEEDLEDEE I TELL YOU!"

"But I already said-" Before Mello could finish his sentence, Matt grabbed his wrists and skipped down the path which read 'To the House of Tweedledee'.  
_  
My dignity...gone, _Mello thought, _Near, I am going to kill you!_

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**AN//: Um, wow, these chapters seemed longer on Word.  
Oh well.  
It's still insanely awesome, right?!**

WE HOPE YOU LOVED IT AS MUCH AS WE DID WRITING IT!!!

REVIEWS PLEASE??????? 8D

Thank yooh


	3. The Dress

**(::A/N::) Ah, yes. It's been a while. Well *twiddles thumbs* that's um, because well, um, there was exams and. . . Ok you don't want excuses.  
This special chappy is written by the one and only Lauren, aka xx-ExplosiveFun-xx herself. Yesh, dat's roight. Thish chappy was all Lauren's work. Next chappy will be all me. Then we'll probably go back to us both writing one chapter (just take in turns every few sentences and whatever you don't care)  
So yes, you can relax, we haven't died. I've just been a tard and not posting.  
Sowwi D:  
Oh I am up to episode 40 in Naruto and Orichimaru's all seedy and existing. It's a lol.  
I love Haku.**

DISCLAIMER: I STILL DONT FREAKING OWN DEATH NOTE. My gosh. Or Wonderland. CHILD!!!

Ah, the story yes that's what you're here for! I'll shut up now! 

**

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**BEYOND WONDERLAND**

Chapter 3 - The dress

"Matt."

"_Yeeeeeash_?"

"Please let go."

"Awww why? Me likes huggling you..."

_I like you 'huggling' me too, but there's no way the outside world needs to, or will, know that. _

"Just let go, you crazy hacker." This was met by another blank stare, see, Matt and Mello had been travelling for hours to Tweedledee's house, the gravel road seemingly stretched on forever.  
_  
Maybe that's what it does, _thought Mello in a blind flash of panic, _maybe this road goes forever and ever and it never ends and I'll have to keep travelling with insane Matt who won't stop hugging me...although that parts ok...gah!!!!  
_  
While Mello continued his internal debate on whether or not this was hell, Matt popped another of the thousands of questions he'd asked,

"Mello?"  
_  
Sigh_ "Yes Matt?"

"You called me a hacker."

"And?"

"Well...what's a hacker?" This was met by a blank stare that Mello could call his own. Matt, fucking MATT had forgotten what a hacker was. Seriously, it had to be illegal to hand out drugs that fucked you up this badly.

"Matt."

"Yes Mello?"

"Why did you stop insisting on being called _Cheshire Cat_?"

"Oh...well..." Matt ducked his head and blushed. "See, I just thought it fitted me better, y'know?"  
_  
Oh lord,_ thought Mello again, _please tell me this is all a whacky hallucination brought on by inhaling too much of Matts soldering glue by accident, pleeeeaaase!!!_

HONK

"What the...?" Mello moved his foot.

HONK

Looking down Mello saw he had trodden on, and incidentally broken a shiny new honky-horn thing.

"_**Hi**_"

"Oh Christ."

"Mello this is-" Matt started.

"Tweedledum"

"And Tweedledee" Both persons said in unison. Mello wasn't quite sure when they had entered the conversation, but he wanted them to leave ASAP. He could feel his brains melting already. Matt however looked perfectly fine.

"So glad to see you, Mello."

"We wondered when you would show up" _Tweedledum_ and _Tweedledee _Mello recognised as Kiyomi Takada and Teru Mikami, Kira's entire loyal fan base. **(::A/N:: Mel lol'd when she read that)  
**  
"OH NOEZ!" cried Mikami.

"What is it Tweedledum?"

"Look at Mello, he IS supposed to be representing Alice" Takeda looked long and hard at Mello and then the penny dropped.

"*Gasp* Mello how could you?! Butcher a story like this?! It's not humane!"  
_  
My head hurts,_ thought Mello uncharacteristically. He couldn't follow this conversation at all, it was too weird.

"Mello we insist."

"On what?"

"On you wearing this."

"Yes, its only proper" Mello officially went into meltdown mode as Takeda pulled out a blue and white, frilly dress, complete with apron, from behind her back.

"NO WAY IN FUCKING HELL AM I WEARING A DRESS!"

"But Mello, think of the-"

"Don't get involved Matt!" He sorely missed his gun.  
_  
My dignity...there's only a shred left...damn well not usin' it on wearin' a dress!_

"Matt" He whispered.

"Yes?" Matt whispered back.

"Would YOU wear the dress?"

"Of course not! Hackers do not wear dresses!"

"You remember?"

"Remember what?" That innocent smile was back.

"At least wear the bow!" cried Mikami "it would look so kawaii on you!"

"NOOOO!" Grabbing Matts hand he made a run for it.

"Bye Bye!" called Matt, waving enthusiastically. This made it awkward for Mello to tow him but he persisted.

Behind them, Tweedledum and Tweedledee began fighting over the broken horn.

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**Lauren's A/N  
Yes, yes i have been silent until now! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Feel the wrath of my cruddy, pointless Authors Note! Some may notice that this chapter has a weeny, teeensy bit of matt and mello fluff, take it how you will! We just thought it was cute :3  
Okay, i will be silent and go back to my buddy club which you are not in (those of you who got the RvB reference, YOU ARE AWESOME!)**


	4. A Very Merry Undeathday, To You!

**A/N:: Hauu I am so proud of this chapter!!!! I wrote it ALL BY MYSELF!!!!! Don't worry, as I said in the last chapter, Lauren and I from now of will do what we usually did and both work on the chapters. I think. Meh, whichever works out best for us.  
Oh that reminds me, usually we tell what characters would be in each chapter. I forgot to add that in last time. The two added characters, as you know, were  
Mikami - Tweedledum  
Takada - Tweedledee**

**In this chapter it includes:  
Mello - Alice  
Matt - Cheshire Cat  
L - March Hare  
Beyond Birthday - Mad Hatter  
Watari - Doormouse  
Near - White Rabbit**

**DISCLAIMER: None. I now fully own Death Note and Alice in Wonderland. Joking. JOKING I TELL YOU! Lauren and I do not own either of them. Still.**

**Anyways, I hope you enjoy this chappy!  
With love, huggles and glomps,  
Melly, x

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**

**BEYOND WONDERLAND  
Chapter 4 - A Very Merry Undeathday, To You!**

Back down the darn gravel road Mello and Matt went, the road that seemingly went for hours and Mello began to wonder why the lighting in the sky hadn't changed.  
_Well,_ Mello thought to himself, _that was beyond the valley of weird.  
_  
"Mello!" Matt called, interrupting his trail of thought. Mello turned to see Matt heading for the bushes.

"Yes?"

"I need you to meet the March Hare, Mad Hatter and Door Mouse!"

"What are they?"

"No, _who_ are they." Mello scowled.

"Ok, w_ho_ are they?" Instead of a reply, Mello was met with a gasp as Matt checked down at his wrist.

"It's almost time! Let's go!" Matt called as he rushed off to the bushes. _What's almost time? For what? Where are we going? You don't own a fucking watch!_ Mello's head was exploding with questions.  
It was mind rape, I tell you!  
Mello wanted nothing more than to crawl back through that hole (despite it ruining his leather) and back to the disgustingly humid Wammy's House. Instead, Mello sighed, and ran after Matt, careful not to lose him. A high Matt would be a dangerous sight indeed, if not controlled.

They ran.

And Ran.

And then stopped for air of course, I mean geez.

And ran.

And then Matt stopped on his tracks, causing Mello to smack bang right into him. Pushing himself away from Matt, and regaining his balance, Mello followed Matt's gaze.  
In front of them, not even a few feet away was a long dining table filled with all the sweets, and...jam you could possibly imagine. Cheese cake, sponge cake, marble cake, lollipops, jam tarts, pudding, fairy floss, cupcakes, muffins, doughnuts, (mouth watering yet?), strawberry jam, raspberry jam, apricot jam, and ok I'll stop there as you get the point.  
_  
(You: Jam and sweets, got it.) _

Mello then noticed at the very end of the table sat, L and Beyond Birthday. It took Mello his sweet time in noticing it was them as they were not in their usual attire.  
Beyond Birthday was dressed in a red tailcoat, black lace-type ruffles seemed to be coming off the ends of the sleeves. On top of his mop of black hair was a thin black top hat with red ribbon. The side of the top hat had a black rose, and a card tucked inside the ribbon reading in red writing '13/13'.  
As for L, L was not seen in his traditional faded jeans and white long sleeved top. Instead, he wore a white dress-shirt, cream and brown chequered waist coat, brown bow and dark green pants. On his head was not a top hat like B, but instead he had long, brown rabbit ears. When squinting further Mello noticed that on L's cheeks were drawn on whiskers.  
Next to L and B was Watari in a chair, his head resting on the table, meaning he was either dead or sleeping. His back moving up and down slightly reassured Mello that Watari was in fact only asleep. _Phew_, Mello thought, his eyes darting back to Beyond suspiciously.

L and Beyond were far too lively and entranced in their tea party that they hadn't noticed Matt and Mello arrive. To Mello's complete and utter horror and surprise, the two doppelgangers started to sing.  
L started,

"_A_ very merry undeathday, to me!"

"To who?"

"To me!"

"Oh you."

"A very merry undeathday, to you!"

"Who, me?"

"To you!"

"Oh me!"

"Let's all congratulate us with another cup of tea! A very merry undeathday to you!" When they had finished they found Matt and Mello sitting on the chairs at the very end of the table. L and B both gasped in horror and rushed down to Mello and Matt's end shouting,

"No room, no room, no room, no room, no room, no room, _NO ROOM_!"

"There's plenty of fucking room! I can sit here if I want to!" Mello spat back.

"But, my gosh, being at your level of intelligence I thought you would at _least_ know some table manners! It is very rude to sit down, uninvited." L explained.

"I say it's very rude. It's very, very rude indeed! Ha!" B joined in. Mello noticed that he was speaking with a slight lisp. _Hngh, I'll ask him about that once he's not so agitated. _

"Well how about it being rude to butt into other people's conversations, B?" Mello argued, for the sake of him not wanting to be wrong, really.

"I suggest you both leave." Came the voice of Watari before nodding of again. Matt gasped and ran in between L and B, putting his arms around them in a friendly manner before saying,

"Oh, I'm really sorry, don't mind my friend. Say, you both had such lovely singing voices and all this food and tea did look inviting..."

"You enjoyed our singing?!" L exclaimed.

"Oh happy day! I'm so excited; we rarely ever get complimented on our singing voices. Well, not many people come this way anyway...you two must join us and introduce yourselves." Matt went and sat back down next to Mello as they were both served with some tea. Mello dare not to touch it as he watched the mass amounts of sugar being put into it.

"I am _Matt the Cheshire Cat_. As you can see...Hehe. And this is..."

"Oh Alice! We did not recognise you without your dress on!" L said, so shocked that he wasn't watching how much sugar went into the tea, and the cup overflowed.

"Alice?! Oh why, hello Alice!"

"I'm Mello."

"Oh, yes, of course you are, Alice. Most definitely!" B said as he stuck his hand into a jam jar and scooped out some jam. Mello gritted his teeth in annoyance. _My gosh, who is this Alice they speak of?_

"We apologize for interrupting your deathday song. You must continue it, it was rather nice." Matt smiled.

"Deathday? Haha, no silly child you have it wrong! This is not a deathday party." L laughed.

"Of course not! Kyahaha, this is an _Undeathday party!_"

"What the fuck is an undeathday party?" Mello sneered, tired of this nonsense. Near's going to cop it once Mello get's his hands on him.

"Oh that's easy. See, um, well you're alive, and you die – no, when...an undeathday, see you have alive days... hahaha... Alice doesn't know what an undeathday party is, B!" They both then erupted into a fit of laughter.

"How silly. Ah ha ha ha, no, KYA HA HA HA." B said, wiping away tears that had formed from the laughter. "-Ahem- Allow me to elucidate! See now, statistics prove, prove that we all have _one_ deathday."

"Imagine, just one deathday every lifetime!"

"Ah, but what about all of those days we are alive?!"

"Which is why we must call for a celebration!"

"We stop celebrating once we're _dead_." _No kidding B, _Mello thought sourly.

"Holy shit! Today is our undeathdays too! Isn't it Mello?!" Matt cheered.

"I-it is?" L asked, in total shock.

"My, what a small world this really is!"

"In that case..." L started with a smile. He then ran down the other end of a table, and came back carrying two cakes. One for Mello and one for Matt. "A very merry undeathday!"

"Are you kidding...?" Mello scowled.

"To you!"

"A very merry undeathday!"

"For us!" Matt exclaimed, as if it hadn't occurred to him until then.

"For you, and you. Now blow the candles out my dears and make your wishes come true! Kyahaha!"

"A very, merry undeathday....to you!" They finished in unison, while picking up party poppers and popping them.

"And now, Watari! The bat song!" B shouted, and Watari quickly got up from his chair.

"Nananananananana BATMAN! Nananananananana BATMAN!"

"Oh you're rocking, sir." B grinned at Watari.

"Word." Watari said before plopping back onto his chair, fast asleep again.

"Oh that was lovely indeed." Matt sang, before helping himself to some cake. B took a seat in between Mello and Matt while L...sat on the table.

"And now, my dears, what brings you here?" B said as he rested his chin ontop of his hands.

"Start at the beginning."

"Yes, hehehe, and when you get to the end....stop. See?"

"Well I was following-"

"B, may I ask you why you have adopted this, uh, this lisp of yours?" L asked, uncaring of Mello's story.

"Oh! Oh, well you see, it came with the hat." B said proudly, pointing to his hat.

"The lisp came with the hat." Mello asked doubtfully, forgetting about his story entirely.

"And, say, how much did you pay for that lisp?" Matt asked.

"I paid $13.13."

"You paid for a lisp?"

"Why of course! Dear me, Alice!"

"It's Mello!"

"Oh yes, I'm sorry Alice. Will you like a jam tart?" Beyond asked, shoving a jam tart into Mello's mouth. Mello spat it out immediately.

"Pegh! Look, Matt and I have got to go. We don't have time for your stupid-" Mello got up and was about to grab Matt's wrists when he, yet again, was interrupted.

"The time! The time! Who has the time?!"

At that very moment, Near came stumbling past holding out in front of him, his robot and the stop watch. Tears streaked his pale cheeks, obviously he had just been crying.

"I'm so late! And I need this robot fixed! And my robot's broken! And it's broken! And it won't work! Ohhh I'm so late! The robot won't work!" He sobbed, going around in circles, both in his speech, and literally. He then plopped down on the ground in a gaze, mumbling to himself. Suddenly he burst out into loud sobs.

"Oh alright! Alright! Shut up! Shut up! I will fix your robot!" B stormed over to Near and snatched his robot out of his delicate hands.

"My robot!"

"Shut up child! I'll kill you!" B turned around, grabbing a knife and pointed it at Near.

"_Nooooooo_" L said before he dived onto B, wrapping his legs around him and grabbing the knife from B's grip. He then got off of B and dusted himself off. "B, what have I told you! You. Must. Not. Kill. Innocent. People!" He said, tapping B's forehead in sync with each sentence. B responded with a pout.

"But, I'm sorry, it's just; all these knives...and my killing tendencies-!"

"That is no excuse B! Now fix his robot!" L shoved the robot back into B's hands, for it had been on the table when B placed it down to grab the knife. Taking the robot, B went and sat down at the table. He studied it for a while, and then started banging the robot on the edge of the table. With that Near sat up and rushed to the table, his hands flying up to his face in panic.

"Oh no! The robot! The buttons! But – but – but!"

"Butter!" B exclaimed. "Of course! L we need some butter!" L sped off down the table to find some butter, then chucked some at B when he had found it. All this time Mello was sitting there in shock at the site, while Matt had fixed himself to some wool.

"B-b-butter? No-no-no-no! You can't put butter in there! B! No!"

"Oh don't worry; it's our very BEST butter. We got Watari to get it for us especially!"

"Oh yes, the best butter indeed. Tea, Beyond?" L offered.

"Ah yes tea!"

"No!"

"Hehehe! Tea should do it fine!"

"Oh shi- I mean sugar!" Because, of course, even at times like this, Near didn't like to swear.

"Sugar?! Yes! L, the sugar!"

"2 spoons?"

"Yes, hehehe, two spoons of sugar, yes. Thank you. Yes!"

"Ohhh, please be careful." Near fretted, shifting from one foot to the other in panic.

"Jam, B?"

"OMIGAWD YESH!!!! THE JAM!" B then hit his head on the table repeatedly. "How can I forget the jam?!" He then poured some into the robot along with the other ingredients.

"Mustard?" L asked, handing over the mustard. B took it, absentmindedly.

"Mustard, yes, but..." Before pouring the mustard in he stopped and looked down at it with horror. Out of B's mouth came the most ear deafening shriek Mello had ever heard. "Mustard?! Don't let's be silly!! Acid, now that's a different thing all together!" B said, grabbing some acid.

"Acid? Why was there acid on the table?" Mello asked, and everyone stared to look at him. They must've forgotten his and Matt's presence.

"Why, you have acid in your tea of course!" B said, matter-of-factly. Mello choked.

"No, B, that's sugar." L corrected. B glared at him.

"_No_ it's acid! I have acid in my tea all the time!"

"You have acid in your tea B?"

"Yesh! My special eyes let me eat special things! And that is that! Ha! " L sighed and waved one hand.

"Oh alright, put it in then."

"Yeeeeeeehehehehe!" B said with a shrilled cheer and clapping his hands together. He then poured the acid into the robot and closed it up. Sparks flew out from the robot as it begun spazzing up into the air. B scratched his head in confused.

"I don't understand...I used the best butter..."

"My robot!"

"It's going mad!"

"Mad robot! Mad robot!"

"What the fuck?!" Suddenly it exploded and pieces of it scattered everywhere. Everyone stared in horror, except for B who was clapping his hand in excitement.

"Well that was lovely."

"My robot...and it was an undeathday present too." Near sulked, hanging his head in sadness. B blinked in amazement. L gasped.

"An deathday present you say?"

"Well in that case!" L and B then started singing the undeathday song, while Near collected up the bits and pieces of his robot mumbling to himself,

"I'll have to find Rester so he can fix this. Stupid, stupid Mad Hatter B and stupid, stupid March Hare L, humph!" before stomping off out of sight. Mello sat up in his chair.  
_Near! I must follow him!_ He grabbed Matt and ran off after Near.

**

* * *

**

**(::A/N::) Ehehehehe!!!!! See? Told you it was epic! Ahh I love this chapter. I is so proud of myself. Oh and in case you're wondering about Watari singing the Batman Song, it's because in Alice in Wondlerland the Doormoue goes 'Twinkle, twinkle, little bat...' so Lauren and I thought it's be funny it if was like,  
"Watari, sing the bat song!"  
"Nanananananana BATMAN!" etc. **

**Yes? Understand? YAY**

**Now, feed the review monster!  
OM NOM NOM NOM  
=D *wiggles eyebrows***


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